There is no end. There is no beginning.

There is only the infinite passion of life.

Monday, October 25, 2010

New Beginnings...Again

SO big things are happening in my life right now! I told my mom I was Muslim, and Alhamdulilah she didn't take it badly! She still tells me to pray to Jesus pbuh and bought my decorative crosses for my birthday, but at least she knows my views.

On another hand, I found out that I am 8 weeks pregnant. As a Muslimah, obviously this was not a planned pregnancy because I am not married. Please, if you have negative comments, leave before you post :). I never claimed to be perfect. I have made mistakes, but I plan on moving forward as positively as possible from this point on. I believe that Allah can make blessings from any pain.

The father is Guy #3 from a previous post. We were no longer speaking when I found out I was pregnant. I had been extremely sick in september. I was diagnosed with pneumonia, bronchitis, whooping cough (pertussis), and mono. All of the medications they put my on basically made my birth control worthless, but I was never informed of this. I took a pregnancy test sept 23 and oct 4 and both came out negative, but a test on oct 8 confirmed I was pregnant. The father knows, but doesnt know if he wants to be a part of our lives. I dont know if I want him to be a part of our lives. I kind of just wish he would disappear, but I also want whats best for the baby.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

So confused...

Right now I'm going through a lot of changes, and I don't really know what to do. I've lost so many friends, some of them extremely close. I'm kind of lost and feel like I'm screwing up. I feel like my life is falling apart...and that I don't know how to stop it, or really care. I just accept that this is how it is. What is it about me that makes me unlovable? I know alot of my posts are weird, but I really meant this to be an online diary of all my thoughts, not a perfect bunch of notes to be read by others. These are my raw emotions, my inner thoughts, screaming to get out. I don't think I like the person I've become...

I'm dating someone, but it's not right. I don't know how else to put it...
I feel as though he's using me. He's confusing and rude, and downright mean sometimes.
Yet I can't leave.

What is it with me that I always find the worst relationships? After Niyi it seems like the only people I seek out, are those that try to hurt me.
Guy #1 broke my heart for months, cheating on me, lying to me, judging me, and yelling at me that I wasn't good enough for him. He proposed and took it back...Only after I ended it did I find out that there was 4+ other girls he was seeing at the exact same time as me.
Guy #2 told me he wanted the world for me, that I was too good to be true. That he wanted forever with me. Then deleted me off facebook and cut off his phone line the next day and I find out through friends that he's in a relationship and they're sooooo In Love.
Guy #3 is current...I don't know where to start. He plays games, won't add me on fb, talks to girls and won't answer the phone for hours at a time, but if I talk to guys he freaks out. He has crazy mood swings and sometimes I think he could get violent. I feel so stupid because I see my stepdad in him. I see the same anger, the same violence that I hated, yet I stay. Why? He reminds me so much of Guy #1, yet hates Guy #1. Irony much? haha...Then there's his baby mama. Don't twist this, because I love his kids more than life. Bre and Jeremiah are my life, even though it's only been a short time we've been together. It amazes me, but children are so easy to love. I look at them, especially Bre, and I see my future. I want to hold them and read them bedtime stories. I want to wake up and kiss them goodbye as I drop them off at school. I feel as though there's something shady behind his baby mama. Like she's fake...

I think I fear loneliness. I'm following in my mom's footsteps exactly. She always said she stayed because she's only half of a person and couldn't live alone. I don't know if I consider myself to be half a person, but I do know that I don't want to be alone.

I want to be loved...I want to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine. I want to hear whispered I love yous. I want to see our children lying asleep in their beds. I want to feel his eyes on me and hear him tell me I'm beautiful. I want to make breakfast and have dinner ready on the table. I want everything. I don't want to settle. But I'm terrified that if I don't settle, that I'll never find anything better.

Monday, August 2, 2010

I'm not trying to say I don't want you, because I do...all I'm saying is I'm done chasing after you

I love you. But that's not enough...I chase you, beg you to see me, talk to me, but you reject me. You would rather be out with friends, or even just watching tv. You tell me that you miss me, want to see me, but you can't even take out a few hours to see me? Something is wrong with this picture! If I was important to you, you would make me a priority. And yet I hold on. Almost as if I'm waiting for you to see how much I care, as if how much I love you could change how you feel about me, how you treat me. Do you even see me? Or just what I can do for you? Am I the filler in your day when you have nothing better to do? Or worse, the filler in your life until you find the woman you actually want to be with?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Up off my knees

I realized today that I did something that I said I would never do. I begged someone to be with me, to forgive me. I belittled myself before them, and got nothing in return.

But now, I am up off my knees. I am no longer begging. I am not perfect, but I know that I have qualities within myself that are desirable by others. I am caring, compassionate, and I love to take care of those I love.

I have always been independent, and strong. I do not need someone to validate who I am. I love who I am. I make mistakes. I am goofy and silly and very blonde. I trip over random (non)cracks in the sidewalk, then laugh. I love to argue/debate, and I hate to lose. I'm clumsy and awful at sports. I am ridiculously feminine, but I can get down with the best tomboys. I can shoot a bulls eye with a .357 11 out of 12 times. I desperately love my family, and my faith is what drives me. I would love to have someone in my life, but the truth is, if someone does not love me for me, then they are not meant to be in my life!


I want a legitimate relationship. I want someone who is just mine. No gray areas, no maybes. Someone to be there for me, to listen when I need them..Someone I can hold and that will hold me when I need to be held...I want someone to kiss me randomly, just because they felt like it. I want someone to call me or text me out of the blue...someone that remembers all my little quirks, and loves me anyway. I want a love that withstands time, that is all the cliches...I want someone to fight with, to debate with, to be mad at...someone to cuddle with, and spoil like crazy. I want someone that I can buy random things for just because I know that he'll like them...I want someone to cook dinner for every night...I'm ready to be come home to the man I love every day. I want to know that until the end of my days on Earth I have someone to call my own, as much as a person can be mine. I want someone to have children with, that will hold my stomach as it swells and talk to the baby growing within me. I want someone to hold my hand and just be. I want someone to take me on dates...I want someone that will be proud to show the world that I am theirs. i want someone that looks at me with wonder in their eyes, and love in their heart. I want someone that will forgive my transgressions and know that I am only human and I make mistakes...

Dreams and Nightmares

I know that large amounts of what I post on here sounds depressing, when in reality I'm usually happy. This page is my diary, my innermost thoughts pouring out to drift away in space where random people can read them, and hopefully learn/relate to them. I have very few people that I trust enough to talk to about my life, so this blog is the recipient of all the thoughts I don't feel like I can share with my everyday world.

That said, my mom called me yesterday and told me that she had a nightmare about me. She said that we were at our house, but it wasn't our house and it was pouring rain. She said that the house began to flood and she reached for me, but she couldn't hold on and I drifted away from her. She woke up abruptly and said she felt really awful about it and felt as though she should tell me.

I think that in reality, she is afraid of my interest in Islam and feels like I am abandoning her-in essence, drifting away, or being pulled away from her. It terrifies me to hurt my momma. She is my life, next to my faith. I love her with everything in me. She essentially raised me as a single mother, and while not perfect, she did her best and always loved me. I've always taken care of her because she doesn't know how to take care of herself. My mom is so fragile, so breakable. She is hurt so easily, and is depressed often. I'm afraid that when I tell my mom I'm Muslim that she will fall apart. She is already dealing with my step dad being in a coma, my sister moving to Alabama, dealing with finances when she has never had to before, problems with my brother, that I fear I will be the person to push her over the edge. I can't lose my mom.

But I also know that the time has come for me to tell her. I know the reaction will not be ideal, but there is no perfect timing for me. Something awful always seems to be happening so the timing is not "right." My conversion was on October 16, 2009 and two days later on October 18, 2009 my step dad was in a motorcycle accident that left him in a coma. That was the first barrier. Next my sister moving, what next? I can not keep putting off telling my family for fear that the time is wrong. There will be questions, fears, and misguided thoughts, but Insha'Allah I will have strength and patience to get through everything! Please make dua for me and my family that my reveal will be as painless as possible. Ameen!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

New Favorite Song: How Many Times?

How many times i couldn’t sleep
Cause i saw you die in my dreams
How many times you lied to me
Raised my hopes and i believed
So many times you went away
Even thou you promised me to stay
You always said soon it'll be ok
But till today, nothing’s changed

And now i know, It’s too late
You lost your soul, You’ll never change
This strength of mine, Wasn’t strong enough
You choose this life, Instead of love

And now i know, It’s too late
You lost your soul, You’ll never change
This strengths of mine, Wasn’t strong enough
You choose this life, Instead of us

How many times they said I’m a fool
But it’s your charm have faith in you
I always thought one day we would reunite
Leaving hell, reaching paradise
But now i know it was just a dream
Now i know it will never be
a beautiful completed family
you just exist in my dreams

And now i know, It’s too late
You lost your soul, You’ll never change
This strength of mine, Wasn’t strong enough
You choose this life, Instead of love

And now i know, It’s too late
You lost your soul, You’ll never change
This strengths of mine, Wasn’t strong enough
You choose his life, Instead of us
Instead of us
Joy Denalane

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Islam On TV :)

On Hawthorne tonight they showed a Muslim family that was facing a big decision on whether to have surgery or not, and before they made a decision they prayed, Alhamdulillah! :) Idk if the actors were Muslim, but if not, then the producers actually had it researched and done properly. The words, movements were all done correctly. Thought that was pretty cool :)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Never let someone be your everything, because when they are gone you have nothing...

You might have loved me, if you had known me. If you had ever known my mind. If you would have walked through my dreams and memories. Who knows what treasures you might have found. Yes, you might have loved me. If you had only taken the time...And yet I love you. I love you more than anything in this world and there is nothing I want more than to be holding you now and forever. But maybe it's not for the best. Maybe it's true, that sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together. But I don't believe in letting go. I think that if you truly love someone, that you will fight for them. I'm not talking about stalking them, or begging. I'm talking about changing yourself to be the better person that they need, so in turn they can be better themselves. It means proving to them every day that you can be a person worthy of their love. It means making sacrifices. It means that sometimes instead of fighting, you have to love more...and sometimes you have to let down your guard, sometimes you have to let down your pride and say you were wrong, and pray that one day they forgive you...


I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry if I made you cry. I'm sorry for your distress. I'm sorry I hurt your pride. I'm sorry I deceived you. I'm sorry I was a lie. I'm sorry you didn't see the real me. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I wasn't what you thought. I'm sorry for the pain I caused. I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't expect anything. Just know that I really loved you, and still do. I make mistakes. Some worse than others. I hurt people. I do things that sometimes I don't understand. Most times because it seems like a good idea at the time. I have regrets. I don't relate my experiences to the rest of the world, because that is an excuse. I don't make excuses for my actions. That is weakness. I am just me. No excuses.

Friday, July 23, 2010


I find it ironic that there is so much hatred for immigrants in America. Do people not realize that everyone here (barring American Indians) are immigrants? The USA is made of immigrants. There is no specific culture that makes us. We are unique in the fact that we are made of so many religions/languages/cultur
es. If you kick out every immigrant in the US and their families, very few people would be left.

People call out Mexicans and Muslims more often than any other group of people. I will address the Mexican part first:

Mexican people have their origins in American Indians and Spanish settlers. Therefore, their ancestors were here before white people (well the Indian half). The US took most of the Southern half of their territory from Mexicans in war. Is it really valid to say that they are immigrants then? The southern half of the US has a culture that is rich in Mexican heritage. Our dance, food, clothing, style of living, and housing all have influences that date back to Mexico.

Now for the Muslim part. MUSLIMS ARE NOT ALL THE SAME PEOPLE. Muslims come from Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Mexico, Canada, China, Europe, and *GASP* right here in the United States! Muslims are white, black, Mexican, Hispanic, Asian, etc. So to tell them to "go back where they came from" or that they are not welcome here is absurd. How can you tell someone born and raised here to "go back where they came from!" This land is not exclusively designated for white, straight, Christian people only. It is a land born of freedom, tolerance, and respect for other people. Yet once again, people have let each other down in their inability to embrace the foreign or unknown. Hatred has persevered in our hearts.

Please, please, next time you open your mouth to spout ignorance, stop. Think. Have you researched this topic? Do you know anything about the valid points? If not, I'm begging you, keep your mouth shut! You are only showing your ignorance by spouting lies and bigotry. Everyone has a right to be here, not just you. Where would you be if America had refused your ancestors?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ground Zero Mosque

I was reading an article about the Ground Zero Mosque (which is not at ground zero, but two blocks away) and found this genius conversation:

In response to the mosque being built: I do find it ironic that the NYC Islamic community wants to build a mosque at Ground Zero, where thousands of innocent Americans were killed by Islamic extremists. Doesn’t that bother anyone? Or am I just going to be branded a crazy?

Response: Yes, how dare any Muslims step onto Manhattan. Since 9/11, it’s been a sacred Christian area, and no other religions shall be practiced there. They can keep their voodoo in NJ where it belongs.


But really, since when is New York a strictly Christian city? America is made of all kinds, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, etc. No religion can lay claim to an entire city. People from every religion died in the terrorist attacks, not just Christians. If Muslims can not build a mosque two blocks from ground zero, where can they build one? Is it okay six blocks away? Twelve? Who gets to draw the lines?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


I recently found this on a site and thought it was pretty accurate: "It's shocking how much guys will talk about marriage. Until there's a ring on your finger, it will be better for you if you pretend you're deaf." So many times people will say all the right things and never mean one of them. They've found all the magic codes to open another person's heart and use them to their advantage. In the Bible it says to guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life...This holds true even today. If we don't guard our hearts from people we run the risk of being destroyed. However, we must not take things too literally, because if we guard our hearts from everyone then we destroy ourselves. People are made to love and be loved...

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
-Lao Tzu

Monday, July 19, 2010

Morning Prayers :)

This morning after I got off work (at 5am!) I went to a park by my house and watched the sun rise and prayed, Alhamdullilah :) Even with cars driving by and the world waking up, it was so peaceful. I thought about my life recently and just let go of some of things I've been holding on to. I realized that some things you just can't change and that I need to just roll with it. I have an inner peace now and know that no matter what happens, it is the will of Allah and He will make things right in time...all blessings are from Allah, but all pain is also from Allah! Insha'Allah I will learn to not ask for deliverance, but only ask for grace, perseverance, and patience to deal with the issues I encounter in day to day life. It's not always supposed to be easy, but through fire we are purified.

Don't wish me happiness-I don't expect to be happy. It's gotten beyond that somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor-I will need them all.
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Late Night Posting is Never a Good Idea...

You know what? Sometimes you just have to look at the things you're going through and say "forget you, forget this, forget everything, I'm me. If you don't like me, forget you. If you don't like the things I do or say, forget you. Stop trying to change me into something I'm not. Sometimes I'm heartless. Sometimes I'm needy and overemotional. I may be one huge contradiction and confuse you and make you mad, but this is me. If you can't love me at my worst, you damn sure don't deserve me at my best! "

Goodnight world :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010


I've been hearing a lot lately that I'm too emotional. I think a lot of the time I bottle things up, conceal them from the outside world, until they blow up. I don't really know how to be different...

Maybe I'm emotional
Maybe It's all a big lie
Maybe I pretend
and fake my way through life
A victim of my circumstance?
I don't believe in that...
We each make our own fate,
Our own circumstance.
So I stand here on my own
Shell of a woman
Holding whats left of my heart...
An actress on the stage of life
Playing this part, that part
Never revealing me
You think you see me
but you have no clue
This is just a shade of me
a mirror image of you...

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind. I sit in the dark, thoughts crowding my mind so completely that I can't sleep. Insomnia is my best friend-we go way back. My thoughts drift to darker times, times from my past that are usually hidden away. Nobody sees the inside of me. They don't see the unhappiness I feel every day. It has become commonplace to put up a front, a happy face for all to see. Very few people have seen the darkness of my mind...the twisted snarls of confusion, the intense anger for every wrong done...

And yet there is a numbness that fills me. I don't remember what it feels like to be truly happy, to be truly loved. I feel drained, like I've given away all of me, and received nothing back. I don't remember what it feels like to be compassionate, to be caring. I go through the motions, but the feeling is not there. I cook because I'm supposed to. I call because I'm supposed to. But I feel nothing. My family, my friends, all fall away, and it's just me. I am all I have. People say they'll be there, but it's only when it is convenient for them. They dip out when you really need them...

I miss the fire and ice, the intensity of emotions that I used to feel. I feel like I have seen too much, heard too much, experienced too much, to believe in true love anymore. It is all so fake, so contrived. What happened to loving someone for who they are, to forgiving the person you love, to loving someone so much that their faults became nonexistent? Each time I start to open myself, to show the scarred interior of my broken heart, something happens to slam it shut again. Each time it becomes harder to open...

I am the ultimate contradiction...I am strong willed and fiercely independent...yet I crave someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I believe that women are strong enough to conquer anything, yet I don't want to be alone and I yearn for someone to tell me what is right and wrong, to be the head of my household. I hate being attached, but I can't be alone...

They say that everyone comes with baggage...So true, but I wonder if I come with more baggage than the average person...

Can someone so damaged be loved?

Friday, July 16, 2010


Catch me if you can :)

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Update on the Roomate Situation!

The slob roommate moved out! And my two little cousins (both 19) moved in :) So it's one big happy family living here now :) lol!


Sooo I met my grandmother for the very first time!

I have never met my dad. I did not know his side of the family at all until I was 19 years old. I found my sister on myspace (haha Oprah story, I know) and began speaking to the rest of the family after that. I am now about to be 22 years old, so I've only known about them for less than two years.

My dad's mom has colon cancer and is being treated in the same state that I live in. She called to say that she would like to stop in and meet my brother, niece, and I.

So she drove in and stayed the night with us! It was pretty exciting :) and very emotional!!!

My Reality

Broken Promises
Broken Dreams
Lie shattered
Along with my sanity
Losing my mind
Tears fall down
Covering my soul
Hurt after hurt
Nowhere left to go
Seeking your face
Lost in this world
I reach for your hands
But they left me long ago
Each night I lie awake praying
This is all just a bad dream
But I know inside that this is
My reality
You tell me to trust
But you don't know what that implies
Trust is just the opening to more lies

Broken Wings

You were there to see me at my worst,
Silent cries that no one else has ever seen.
You broke down my walls until I let you in,
Convinced me you would always catch me if I needed to fall...
Now you've gone and my tears fall on deaf ears, blind eyes...
Arms that used to hold now push away,
Destroying the fragile trust of a novice lover...
Dreams of happiness float away,
Drifting up, farther out of reach...
Broken dreams, broken wings,
Can't get back what was lost...

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Sooo life has been a major rollercoaster lately! I'm trying to write more, but with finals here its super hard!

I went from having ZERO work to now having too much! I work at a club as the door girl, at the country club serving drinks, and a restaurant as a waitress...Its been amazingly fun so far! I love working at the club, its super easy and good the people I work for are laid back and fun :)

On a different note, why on earth do people say I love you so easily???

I've been talking to a guy, (not even seriously!) and after less than TWO WEEKS he was just like "I want to tell you something but I don't want to scare you away...I love you." It was so weird!

I feel like my generation has NO IDEA what love is or means! There is no way I would ever tell someone that before I knew them at least A MINIMUM of 6 months. You don't know this person! You think you love them...but you're seeing a very sweet side of them. You haven't seen the worst of them, you don't know their habits, their likes, their don't know anything! UGH. I wish people wouldn't use those words unless they really truly knew that forever and for always they would like to be with that person. Those words are POWERFUL. They have MEANING.

Please people, DO NOT DO THIS. It is unhealthy for relationships and unhealthy for individuals. It sets up high, unrealistic expectations. It can mask a bad relationship or put too much pressure on a good relationship.

Gracias, Mwuah :)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I have made the decision that no matter what is going on in my life lately that I will thank Allah unceasingly for all blessings. This is not an easy task, and I expect to fail often at first, but hopefully with time and patience I will get better at praising Allah even in hard times :)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I'm learning slowly that you can't trust everyone. I am generally a very trusting person and I love to see the best in people. I'm learning that no matter what you do, people will do bad things to you. They say bad things intentionally to hurt you. Some people are just bad.

That said, most people are amazing :) It's funny how you can meet great people because of the people trying to ruin your life. Shows how much karma can affect you! haha jk. But really, Allah has amazing plans for our lives!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Waiting Tables

Ok, so I'm kinda pissed off because I keep seeing articles with people complaining about having to tip their waitstaff. I understand not tipping when the service is completely awful, but if you dont tip just because you are a jackass, then dont eat out!!!

The vast majority of waiters/waitresses only make 2.13 per hour. After they take the taxes out of your check, guess what...that means you get a grand total of MAYBE 10-30 dollars from a 30+ hour work week. And yes, we do have to claim all of our tips, and they are taxed too, thus the 10-30 dollars left over.

By the way, if you don't tip your waiter, that doesn't mean the way restaurants are run will change. Waitstaff will still be paid 2.13. You can not change how much they are paid by being a jerk. This is the only income they have. If restaurants paid waitstaff even minimum wage, the price of food would go up to deal with the lost income. That means that all the things you get for free: free refills, free bread/rolls, free chip refills, ketchup, lemons for water, etc, now have to be paid for. Thus your meal price goes up dramatically.

Waiting tables may not seem that hard. If you think it is easy, by all means go try. Try dealing with annoying little kids that leave half eaten, mashed up pieces of food on the seats that you now have to clean up. Or little pain in the ass kids that think screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing things, and purposely making messes is just soooo cute and fun-or even worse dealing with their parents that think its perfectly acceptable for their angel to do these things.

Not bad enough? Try dealing with nasty men making inappropriate remarks about your body and women that treat you like shit because they think you actually WANT their ugly husband/boyfriend.

Or wait, what about being looked at like you are the scum of the earth because you wait tables. God forbid I have a low level job to pay for my PhD!

And yes, I do have a choice to not work as a waitress. But trust, I'm not the only waitress that feels this way! There would be no one left to wait tables because no one would choose to be treated like shit for hours on end only to be paid minimum wage. That's why we grin and bear all the nasty remarks- in hopes that the customers will have mercy and throw us a couple of dollars!

And sorry. Just had to get that out LOL

Sunday, January 24, 2010

My Favorite Quote

I am me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically me.
Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me.
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me -
By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me - However I
Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me - I own me, and
Therefore I can engineer me - I am me and
I am okay.
Virginia Satir


I have two roommates and one of them is an absolute slob!!! I do not understand how you can live in a an extremely nice apartment and want to trash it out! My other roommate and I always clean up after her and want the place to look nice, but she just goes behind us and makes it filthy again. I don't know what to do anymore because I want to yell and shout at her and tell her that if she can't clean up after herself at 21 years old then she should not touch anything at all. Just eat out and DO NOT COOK ANYTHING!!! >:-/

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


My family is entirely Christian-either Catholic or non denominational. This makes things difficult much of the time because they are not happy with me learning about Islam. I took my shahada October 16, 2009, 4 days after my 21st birthday. Two days later my step dad was in a motorcycle accident and has been in a coma ever since. Because of this, I have decided to not tell my family yet that I have converted. They do know that I am learning about Islam and am interested in it, and they are not at all happy. I have had sooooo many discussions about how I should not be learning about other religions and there is no true religion but Christianity and I will go to hell if I convert. These are not easy things to hear. It is also not easy to listen to slander against Mohammed (pbuh) and Islam from my step dad's side of the family. I know that I need to tell my family about my conversion, but I feel very selfish if I do it now because my mom is already so torn apart. Inshallah I will find the perfect time to tell her, and even more I pray that my step dad will wake up! Ameen.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

A little about me

I don't know how to begin to tell my story, because it is very long and complicated. My life is amazing, but of course it has its downsides. I am a new muslimah, learning everyday and trying not to screw up too badly. I am not asking for criticizm, because I know that not everything I do is going to be completly Islamic, but I am trying. Sometimes I have moments where I am weak and I fall back into the stuff I did before I converted, but I try each day to do better than the day before. I love the new life I have found in Islam :)

New Beginnings

With 2010 just beginning, I wanted to start off by trying new things! So I figured I'd start blogging and see if that helps to let some of the random thoughts out of my head...