There is no end. There is no beginning.

There is only the infinite passion of life.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I have postpartum depression. He has post traumatic stress disorder. What are we doing??? I cry a lot. I don't feel like I am bonding with my daughter. I am her care giver. I hate this feeling. I hate myself. I failed her. Her dad doesn't know what he wants. Half the time we're together-when he wants to be. And the other half? I'm alone. He gets angry when I don't call, but doesn't call himself. Everything is my fault. I went out one time and all of a sudden I'm inconsiderate. Yet he says he's coming over every day and doesn't show up. I hate what my life has become. I hate him, but I can't move on. I love him. We're two very damaged people trying to make things work. At least I am. Idk what he's doing.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Almost Done!

I am now 39 weeks pregnant! Inshallah I won't be pregnant much longer :) I can't wait to see my little girl and hold her. I've had a lot of trouble with names and picking one that I find is perfect. I love Inaya but picking another name has proven almost impossible :/

Semester is finally over and I passed all my classes Alhamdulillah! And I had my last day of work a week ago so now all I am doing is waiting for my little girl.

It's funny how I have waited 39 weeks patiently, but this last week is so awful! I want her here now. I find I have little patience and am snappy a lot of the time. I was not emotional whatsoever during my pregnancy. I didn't cry or have random mood swings at all, until now. Now I feel like one big emotional wreck! Hopefully after she is born I won't be so crazy lol. I am proud that I only gained 15 lbs this entire time though! I've been walking and swimming a lot and Inshallah I will lose weight easily after she's born.

Monday, January 24, 2011

New Year Again

So here we are in's been a long time since I started this blog, and a lot has changed since I began. I never posted as much as I said I would, or as much as I would have liked, but I keep coming back. I am now 22 weeks pregnant now and I find out February 2nd if I'm having a boy or girl! I'm due June 8 :) I haven't had a very easy pregnancy so far. I've had hyperemesis gravidum and have taken Zofran to control it since week 16. I lost 16 lbs but have gained back 5 finally. I have a new house with plenty of room for me and baby, and am taking classes this semester still. Life is looking up finally! Hopefully 2011 will be so much better than 2010!

Good luck this year ladies! Hope your year is amazing and blessed :)